The year 2008 and 2009 has been hard for me, I went through a lot.I went to college, I end up meeting guys for fun and drank heavily. I end up quitting college and came home because I thought I was running away from all the fear I was in, I end up getting depressed and staying home hasn't been all that for me. I tend to worry more and very cautious of everything, from family to daily chores to worrying about future.
I was away from home for two or three months to go to college,I met people that have tried helped me quit the stuff I was doing to myself or at least tried to help me with self esteem. I chose not to listen to them and went home to be with my family.
I still regret that I didn't listen to one of the new friends that was trying to help me get a job there or at least look for one there.
At times I still wonder if it would have made any difference or not if I listened to him. He encourage me to stay away from what had happened to me, and maybe he knew what was good for me.
Right now I feel really depressed and nothing seem to get my way to go through so called life. I know I have met people for a reason but seems like they don't seem to stay long enough. some times I wonder if it will get better for me. Like alot have happen in my life and people that I love always seem either die or they are busy with their lives.
It's not like I am being suicidal or thought of that at all. Just that it has been so hard for me and doesn't seem to go anywhere for me. Same cycle for me since 2004 or so. people I love die , I end up making mistake or go direction that I may regret later in life. Such as working at the School or I waited too long not going somewhere. I mean wanting do something in my life, but don't want to leave my family. Sometimes I wonder if it's even a worth leaving them for something that I might be wanting to do with my life, for my own being.
I will finish my blog for now and do some more later in the future.
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